Got Dear's Letter!

i got dear's letter! dear wrote to me! hahaha.. so happie. he drew something for me. so cute and sweet. i am so happie... hehe :)

*all smiles*

Why Are Guys So Insensitive??

been quarrelling wif dear again... haiz.. i dunno.. i juz know that i love dear the way he was before he went to NS. i really do. its all changing now. so, for all my girlfriends out there, treasure your boyfriends when they are still un-enlisted. u might think that he won't change, you might be so sure of it. but be careful. i thot so too. but i know that there is no deceiving anymore. things are changing. he always tells me that i oso got change. but he dunno that i changed because of the change in him. it made me so terrible now.

was quite hurt recently for the string of events that happened lately. especially sentosa. i've always wanted to go to sentosa with him. why? coz i love the beach. and i thot it would be a beautiful place to spend it with someone i love, since i always go with ali and grace. i thot he would love it too. but i was wrong. i thot he would appreciate it. but he didn't. dear went twice with his friends to sentosa oredi. wad about me? none. i felt terrible. i dunno how to react. call me petty or wad. i dun care. i juz felt horrid. he loves going with his friends so much. and all the reasons are like, oh u wanna go on the weekends, so many ppl.. my friends ask me alot of times liao. paiseh. wadeva. i dun think i'll ever go to sentosa with him. not anymore. i thot i could show dear the little fishes there at the end of the beach. but i doubt i'll ever will. that place now reminds me of something so saddening. he won't understand how i feel. he never will.. its something i like so much. dear always tells me. if it makes me happy, he'll do it. he knoes that i'll be happy if he brings me to sentosa, but he juz won't go. he knoes that i love to take pictures, but he never wants to take with me. and till now, we haven't taken pictures for 1 year. why won't he take with me? coz he dun like to tk pictures. well, wadeva the reason is. i always got mistaken and will always wonder if this relationship was all one-sided. he loves chatting with his friends, playing mahjong with his friends, going sentosa with his friends, going holland village to eat with his friends. but i'm juz a dumb girl. standing by him thru all these. and not being appreciated. i dunno wad love is. i know very well, that i didn't change. i have always been like that. now dear's needs are more, he needs mahjong, he needs staying over, he needs to satisfy the needs of his army buddies. sometimes i wonder if there are girls in the outing. but i never asked. if he got someone new, i'm sure he would tell me.

besides this, we still have so many problems. i'm starting to wonder if i got the right guy. he wasn't like this before. maybe i wasn't too. he forced me to be like this. short-tempered and petty. i can handle friendships so well. but when it comes to relationship, its juz zero score for me. i dunno wad is happening. i'll juz take one step at a time. i wun ask dear to go sentosa with me, nor will i ask him to e-mail or write to me anymore. i dun think i'll write to him for the time being. i shouldn't do so many things. why should i give so much to the relationship? relationships dun work if only one person is willing. both persons have to be willing to commit. what use is it if i'm the only one slogging hard to maintain this relationship? i'm so soft-hearted. i always tell him that its my fault. which sometimes i dun even knoe what i did wrong..

dear, why are u doing this to me? driving me to the wall? wad good does it have on u? i need the old you. i need the lost you. i need the Qin before enlistment. i know its all gone now. it will never come back. i was reading your last letter that you wrote to me before enlistment. u told me to wait for you. i did. but don't take me for granted. pls. i'm not a toy. dun always assume that i'll be there. pls treasure me. i beg you. i'm going crazy..

(-_-)

Last Sunday...

this is gonna be the last sunday to meet dear... why? coz my exams are coming! arrggh.. so i won't be meeting dear until 2 weeks later. gonna forgo my weekends to meet him. i can't afford to fail. aniwae, studies are more important no doubt dear is important too.. hee..

juz realised that soybeans from carrefour taste awful! eeks.. not nice one. ntuc ones taste better. was so hungry juz now, i drank campbell's cream of mushroom and ate my favourite walnut cake from bengawan solo! i juz love walnut cake. dun ask me why. heehee..

aniwae, spent the whole dae wif dear. went to orchard to shop and bought a new bag.. again.. hahaha.. dear is wondering why i need so many bags. hee.. oh well.. girls are girls...

tmr is study week. arrgghh! gonna meet liang and jiayi and velly to study... sianz... juz 2 more weeks to go...

ta-ta...

Exams Are Here... (-_-)"

next week is exams liao. ahiz. can't wait to get over it man.. so sianz...

todae went to mit liang and velly to study HRM. glad i did some quality work. then met dear for dinner. went to seoul garden to eat coz i was craving for steamboat. didn't eat lunch. which resulted in a pain in my tummy at the end of the buffet. it felt horrid.. went to haf a sit and then i felt better. the pain was horrible!! eeks...

haiz. still can't find my dream bag. i juz feel like buying a bag. have one imaginary bag in my mind. but no one seems to sell it. went to rip curl website juz now and came across 2 bags which i like though. dunno singapore got sell or not. haiz..

dear went to bryan's house to play mahjong. he told me he's going home tonite though. i dunno how true is that actually. but aniwae, juz let him go bah..

hmm.. tummy's feeling a little weird.. gotta rest..

aniwae velly, i added u to my blog! hee...

ta-ta..

Last Presentation...

hurray! did my last presentation todae. was so glad that the semester is coming to an end. how time passes... its been 1/2 of my poly life oredi.. exams are coming soon.. grr..

went out wif dear after my presentation todae. dear was so crazy. he wanted to mit me. why? coz i was wearing formal. hahaha.. silly dear. aniwae dear went to pick me up and bought mooncakes for my parents. they were YAM! hahaha... so nice! and then we headed down to Marche for dinner.. so nice. we had sambal squid, sambal stingray, seafood combo (which consists of squid, prawns, fish and soft shell crab) and ROSTI WITH SOUR CREAM! (my favourite!) heehee.. so happie..

thanks dear.. for everything... i'm lucky to have u around..

ta-ta..

Tuesdae... Tuesdae.. Tuesdae.

dear has left early in the morning to mit his friends at harbour front. they are heading to sentosa. hope he enjoy his trip..

exams are coming soon... arrgghh... so sian.. aniwae, later gotta go for marketing tutorial.. plus, i still gotta mit up wif liang.. gotta do the presentation slides for PSQ.. sianz man...

hmm... oh yah! i gave my laptop a name! it's called "Baby" coz its white n silver n its so small... (at least smaller than liang's one.. haha.. and i got more USB ports than him!) heehee... aniwae, its my baby... love it so much.. daddy bought it as a gift for me for my 21st birthdae.. heeheehee...

okie la.. gtg sch soon! ta-ta..

Drfiting Apart???

juz finished toking to dear on the phone. we din tok much. or rather, i din tok much... dear said that i have become not as vibrant as before.. i used to be very chatty and tok alot.. dear asked me if we were drifting apart and that i was losing interest in him? definately not.. i am sure.. i would never lose interest in him... maybe its due to the busy schedule i have in school.. i dunno...

dear's going to sentosa wif his army buddies tmr.. i was kinda upset when he told me. not bcoz i dun want him to go, but because whenever i asked him to go, he would say no. and told me that since its the wkends there would be plenty of people.. dear told me that he is aware of that and said sorrie.. coz his buddies asked him plenty of times. but me too.. din he think about it? he said he did and he dunno wad to do. well.. he's gonna go aniwae... he told me sorry that he's not a good boyfriend as he is not able to fulfill my dreams and always make me angry n sad.. well.. wad can i say? but its ok...

i dunno wad's going on.... i'm not angry wif dear... juz loads of knots in my heart.. wonder when they will be untied...

ta-ta...

Phew....

haven't been blogging for the past few days.. has been busy with projects.. and i got 2 due tmr! been so busy these days... aniwae, i got 10 mins to spare, before i leave house and mit dear... we are gonna catch dodgeballs.. hahaha.. sure very funny one.. tink i'm gonna enjoy the show..

aniwae, i finally managed to buy my "chicken in a biskit" after a very long search.. haha.. NTUC dun sell it anymore... i bought mine at 7-11....

dear has been very understanding for the past few days (he has always been understanding! :P) coz i have been so busy, staying back everydae to finish up my projects.. he has been there, waiting for me. even if it means me sleeping at 3am, he would gladly wait up for me. i'm very touched, by the little things he does..

dear, its not about a big diamond ring, gifts that u shower me with or expensive gadgets... its ur care and concern that matters.. i felt it... u loved me, treat me like a princess... like i was the most precious thing to u.. sending me home on every single date that we go... its like... wow~ after 3 years and 10 months... u are still so sweet to me.. its going 4 years soon... and i've nvr regretted being with u... coz i know u are the one for me... no one will knoe ur goodness except me, and i'm glad to be ur girl....

thanks for standing by me thru all these late nites that i had to work.. u haf been most understanding and patient... i love u..

ta-ta..

The Terminal

so long nvr blog liao. the mystery person tagging my blog must be reading my blog.. i wonder who it is. i think i know who, but i can't be sure... he or she seems like my guardian angel. makes me feel protected.. i dunno why...

aniwae, went out with dear yesterday.. we went to watch The Terminal since i got no school. actually was supposed to do my HRM project. but i juz dunno why got no mood to do. i have to slog todae liao. haiz... but the show was nice. i enjoyed it..

been meeting dear alot lately.. hee.. guess it is a good thing? but not good for long, coz dear haven't found a job.. SAF won't be providing for us anymore. hahaha... so happie.. 1 more month.. dear ORD! yes! haahaa.. pink colour IC would be back soon...

aniwae, was supposed to meet jiayi to do project in school but she smsed me told me she can't make it coz she slpt at 3am. haahaa... aniwae, gotta go sch for finance lect and ops lect later.. sianz... todae will end at 5pm. can't believe it man. so sian to go to school...

my network connection ar. lately xiao xiao.. can connect, then cannot, i very sian liao. dunno wats up man!?!? hmm.. aniwae, gotta go back to HRM..

ta-ta...

Stressed..

whoa.. i can't believe it man.. time passes so quickly.. very fast going exams le.. sianz... and the worst thing is i have to hand in HRM project on Mondae... arrgghh.. stressed sia..

aniwae, haven't been blogging for the past few days.. hee.. coz saturdae went to CK's birthdae party wif dear. finally saw his gf.. not bad.. hee.. and saw bryan's gf too.. they were all quite nice ppl to get along.. hee.. exchanged numbers! i think i'm too talkative bah? hahaha... then the best part is, i came home late, and my daddy asked dear to stay over.. coz its late, no transport and somemore take cab gotta pay surcharge. so dear decided to stayover too.. hee.. my parents were so hospitable.. mummy took mattress and toothbrush for dear and my dad lent dear his clothes. hee.. since we are all stinky from the bbq.. no sleeping together though.. poor dear gotta slp on the sofa in the living room. but dear told me its ok, at least we made some progress.. it seems like a lot for us though ppl might think, "chey, only stayover ma" but it is our first time staying over together.. we chatted till 1am... then dear asked me to go to bed.. and my dad came out from his room too! haha.. he asked us why so long still haven't slp.. hee.. i tucked dear in bed, kissed him goodnite and went back to my room.. the feeling was undescribable.. juz so... hmm.. i guess only dear and me knows.. our relationship is not easy, coz of my parents they are very strict wif me... poor dear dear..

juz called dear not long ago... his primary school friend was at his place. can't believe it man. wad are 2 boys doing at home? hahaha.. aniwae, said he will call me after his friend goes home. i suggested it, coz i think its not nice since there's someone at his place. he should play host.

hmm.. spent the whole dae wif jiayi.. haha.. laughing and eating and doing project.. stressed again~ heee.. aniwae... hope our project turns out well! cheers!

ta-ta...

Thank God Its Fridae!

been so sian these days with school.. projects and all.. glad that todae is fridae.. i'm juz gonna hand in my marketing project and go for my ops tutorial.. exams are coming soon.. dread those days. my main aim now is not to get supp paper.. hee.. aniwae i did well, got A's for HRM and Mktg.. finance was okay.. i'm happie with my finance results.. on the whole, i passed all my subjects... yay! muz work harder for the coming exams. i'm determined to do well... but for now, muz concentrate on my HRM project and PSQ... shucks..

aniwae, gonna be meeting dear later.. he went back to camp todae for his medical checkup.. then gonna be meeting me for lunch and to buy CK's present for tmr's BBQ... and back to my house for dinner and then tutor my little sis..

hope todae will be a wonderful dae... :)

ta-ta..

Thursday...

haha.. looking at my blog title, dunno wad title to put. aniwae, i'm at the school library now with jiayi.. hahaha.. she doing the finance tutorial.. haha. the both of us actually say wanna come and study finance but ended up toking, surfing and eating. haha.. guess its juz us bah.. heehee..

wonder wad dear is doing now.. hope he's feeling better... little tummy ache.. so poor thing.. hee... miss you..

ta-ta..

My Nose Is Running Away...

haiz.. spent the whole dae in school todae. and the worst thing is, i'm feeling so fat the whole day.. shucks.. i muz go on a diet..

down wif a flu.. felt so horrible.. came back and slept like a pig.. then studied for my mock finance test tmr.. sianzz... exam coming liao..

dear's not feeling well too.. he got tummy ache. hope he's feeling better.. tk care when i'm not around ok??

ta-ta..

Roller Coaster....

phew.. didn't have school todae. was glad though. hee.. met dear todae coz he needed my laptop to type his resume as his computer is down. so we met for breakfast, then went to buy cute little handphone holders for his room. i chose them! heehee.. one fat piggy - that's me! and the other is a fat cow - that's dear! hahaha.. now our phones haf something to sit on.. hehe.. and Qin mama said it was cute! she asked dear whether it was me who bought it.. haha.. she even commented on dear's room.. say i pack for him so neatly.. haha.. i haf to admit i was happie.. hee..

dear spent the day doing his resume, while i was continuing with part 2 of the packing. which means, packing dear's cupboard and closet. hee.. hope dear liked the layout of it. he finished his resume and fell asleep on his bed. and i juz continued packing and like a fairy godmother who woke him up to show him is "magical cupboard" hahaha..

everything went fine until dear shouted at me for no rhyme or reason.. coz of where we wanted to eat. i was upset. tears flowed down. he was remorse, i juz ignored. after all the things i've done. we made up though, or rather, i chose to forgive and forget and compromise or else things won't get us anywhere. i insisted on going home myself after dinner though, saying it was still early.. he gave in, in the end. i was quite glad to go home alone though. hee.. but dear msged me when i was on my way home. somehow he sensed it? that i was upset? oh well.. i chose not to be unhappy.. juz told him that its alrite... dear said something which touched my heart.. he told me that i'm the best and he can't imagine how life would be without me because i have already been part of his life and he can't do it without me. i was really touched on the MRT...

aniwae, we are fine now. felt like i was taken on a roller coaster ride todae. hee.. but nevertheless, i was happie todae.. and glad to spend time with dear... still love u loads..

haa! juz found out that i dun need to take PSQ main exam. yay! so happie. at first thought the school nvr let me take the exam. hahaha..

aniwae, gotta go.. tmr got lecture at 10am sia!
ta-ta..

Not So Blue Monday...

it's monday! but i'm feeling good.. only for the thot that i did not manage to drag myself out of bed in the morning. but on the whole it was ok.

was supposed to meet dear to but i guess i'll juz give it a miss for certain reasons.. firstly, dear has to pay for my expenses of i meet him for dinner.. and then i guess its better if he goes with his friends. if not his friends say him this and that again. stoopid army guys. no brains de.. hahaha.. but its a good thing coz i get to meet grace, sara, yasmin and gladys. i dunno who else is coming though. hahaha. but i guess it would be fun to meet up with my old classmates. aniwae, gonna meet grace and sara early and buy flip flops from havanias. hahaha. i think its gonna be so fun. but i'm not wearing very nice lei. haha.. got the typical sch slack look.. hee.. somemore carry along my laptop. haiz.

now in school doing my PSQ project.. arrggh.. can't wait to buy my flip flops. haahaahaa.. aniwae hope everything goes fine for dear coz he's gong to find job todae.. heehee..

ok.. gotta go liao.. ta-ta..

Glad...

so glad that everything is finally back to normal. though dear and me did quarrel for a while in the morning. well... i guess we were juz on the wrong frequency.. but things we great after that..

helped dear to pack his room.. so nice now! and we even hung up our cute little couple slippers that sharon (yeo) gave me last sem.. heehee.. so sweet.. packed all the stuff! so dusty and dirty.. and then also saw the tons of letters that i wrote to dear.. he kept them nicely in a box.. and i oso saw the letters which his crush wrote to him. hahaha.. even laughed at him about it!

then went to play badminton wif dear's cousins. actually had a wonderful time todae. dear sent me home too...

nevertheless, thanks for being in my life thru all the ups and downs.

ta-ta..

Sunshine Is Finally Out After The Storm

dear was back home early. so unusual of him.. but i was glad.. heehee.. i guess things are finally fine now. we had a wonderful chat over the phone.. i am supposed to slp now, but i can't help but to blog. can't wait man. haha..

dear asked me if i had a daughter, wad name would i give her? and we started talking about our children's names.. hee.. dear chose Edward for his son. as for me, still haven't made up my mind. haha.. he chose.. Edward Eng.. so cute.. E squared.. haha.. or double E.. then i guess the daughter's name muz be starting with an E too bah? maybe Edna? or Edwina? but dear didn't like Edna, which i quite like very much.. haha.. i think we think too early le bah?

tomorrow dear and me are gonna go orchard for some shopping and then head back to his house to pack his messy room.. haahaa.. guess its gonna be a nice day bah? heehee.. aniwae, hope to see dear soon..

meanwhile, i think i better tuuck in bed since its going to be 1am oredi.. shucks! haha.. ta-ta..

Family Day..

didn't meet dear todae.. he went to pulau ubin to cycle with his friends. those reading my blog muz be feeling surprised! haha.. jul at home on a saturday?? yeah.. wad to do? we have been quarrelling over the same problem for the past few days. taken our relationship into a strain. i wished this week never happened in my life..

was dreading this saturdae to come. coz it juz feels so weird. toked to dear till the wee hours last nite. toked alot, really toked. but i guess, it wasn't fruitful.. he told me many things of which i didn't know. and somehow, though i know that he's not telling me all this coz he wants to win my sympathy or wad, but i juz feel like i'm a thorn in his life. i regretted entering his life. i regretted saying "yes" to this relationship. i regretted being his girlfriend. coz i'm juz like a barrier between his friends. i dunno wad i'm supposed to do. a little care and understanding.. that's wad he said. but when i need ur understanding, u were never gonna understand. u are never gonna understand how tired i am to meet you after school.. i felt like the worst girlfriend on earth yesterdae. i felt like a failure. i didn't know wad u wanted, i can't read your mind. and i wonder, how some people can juz walk out of relationships as and when they like. love hurts so much, though the happiness you receive is double.. love was never easy at all.. it is always easier said than done. promises are hard to keep and old habits die hard. if i could ever turn back time. i wouldn't wanna be in a relationship.. it juz hurts too badly..

i hope tonite passes even more quickly. i juz wanna slp and wake up to find myself on mondae. this is the first time i hated weekends.

but though so many things happened. i'm glad that i spent time with my parents. daddy drove us to PS.. in his new car! hahaha.. so nice.. leather seats and everything.. then went for lunch at lao beijing. ate until $90++ whoa.. haha.. i loved the xiao long bao and the peking duck. of course there were other things too! hehe.. then went to carrefour to get some groceries and junk.. haha.. by the time we drove back, it was already 5 plus. i'm so glad that half of the day is gone. i'm juz so sian. i think i never wanna get this week back anymore..

dear, our relationship is taken to another level of test again. hope we are able to pass it.. the last thing i wanna do, is to lose you. i thot of letting you go.. but i have no courage to do it. actually i know u can do it without me.. i dunno how u would feel if i told u this. i'm juz gonna gif each of us another chance. work things out. hopefully, we knoe where we are getting at... lastly.. i still love u all the same...

love and relationships are such complicated stuffs....

ta-ta...

Blissful???

dear dear is at my house now. he is currenly tutoring my little sis. and here i am blogging on my beloved laptop. dunno i should feel blissed or wad? where to find a boyfriend like that? but i'll be contradicting wad i said in the morning..

juz now dear and me met up and then we went for dinner and then catch a movie.. guess wad we watched? Garfield! hahaha.. he's such a cute and lazy cat. juz reminds me of dear dear.. aniwae, i enjoyed the show. dunno why, i dun seem to be angry with dear anymore. i dunno wad has got into me. haha..

dear's friend called him juz now i think. i dun wanna ask oso.. i guess, i should be glad that dear dear has been very nice to me. so wad matters most is that he is happie bah? aniwae, i should be joining my parents for dim sum tomorrow bah... hahaha..

by the way, i haven't announced the good news! my ops management presentation was a success! yay! my tutor was impressed. hahaha.. can't believe it man. juz so happie..

okie.. gotta end here now.. gotta go and do my mktg project liao..

ta-ta

Happie 49th Month...

todae's the 3rd.. means that i have known dear for 49 months.. well.. its equivalent to 4yrs and a month.. well.. happy 49th month dear. though i dunno why we have been quarrelling these few days.. we were fine on tuesday.. but it juz seems that things fell apart after that.. perhaps ur trust in me has gone. moreover, i still need to change.. but when u fell in love with me, u fell in love with my everything. i dunno why i need to change now. because of ur friends? i dunno wad is the reason. but still, i will change for you.. coz i love you. love is sacrificing..

had been feeling upset the past few days.. but i guess its all not worth it to be upset over your friends.. coz in the end.. i will still be at the losing end. coz u ppl are guys.. guys are insensitive, full of pride and ego.. guys think that love is juz a part of life, while girls think that love is everything..

i still have alot in my life.. why cry over guys??? at the very end, i know, at the very least, grace and alicia would always be there for me.. rite?? hee..

gotta go sch soon... got my operations management presentation.. wish me luck!

later gonna meet dear.. dunno why he wanted to meet me so early? becoz he misses me? or juz becoz it would make him less guilty tmr? i usually love saturdays, but i dread tmr's saturdae.. i dun wanna bother... juz wanna hide myself under the covers.. haha.. at least i got fei mao with me.. and my beloved laptop :)

You Made Me Stronger..

wad u said to me did pulled me back yesterdae.
i was gonna have to give up one of the two days that i can meet you,
because of your friends..
weekends are precious to me,
i reserved them for you.
i was upset.
i cried last nite,
i lost sleep.
but through alot of thinking,
i realised that,
crying over this was not worth it at all.
not in a situation like this.
i'm not sure who is right or wrong in this situation.
i juz know,
i juz dun feel like talking to you right now.
and i must thank you,
for making me stronger than i used to be.
its ok,
it doesn't matter anymore.
meeting doesn't mean anything.
it might be a good thing,
for the both of us.
i can juz spend time with my family, my parents,
and i can do my projects.
i dun wanna care anymore.
its taking so much of my time and energy.
i have other things to see to.
i'm so tired..
i'm sorry..