We don't even talk anymore
And we don't even know what we argue about
Don't even say I love you no more
Cause sayin' how we feel is no longer allowed
Some people will work things out
And some just don't know how to change


Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by
Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We'll make the biggest mistake of our lives
Don't do it baby

Now they can see the tears in our eyes
But we deny the pain that lies deep in our hearts
Well maybe that's a pain we can't hide
Cause everybody knows that we're both torn apart
Why do we hurt each other?
Why do we push love away?

Water Runs Dry-Boyz II Men

what if...

what if i left you one day?
would u be happier?
would u miss me?
would u ask me to stay?
would u ask me to come back?
would u even think about me?
would u knoe what was the reason?
would u even care?

why did things haf to turn out this way?
its so hard for me to continue..
dun take me for granted..
dun think i'll always be there..
i might leave,
and never come back..
dun juz assume i would..

jul

todae i had a busy dae at school.. school ended at 5pm. gosh, so damn tired. now listening to "for the first time" remembering the times when me and dear juz went steady. everything was the first time for us.. first time we kissed, first time we held hands, first time someone hugged me like i was the world to him, first time someone cared so much about me..

now, 3 & 1/2 years down the road... many things haf changed.. our responsibilities haf changed, the environment has changed.. we grew up.. and there is no more teenage lovers or puppy love anymore.. we're both adults now.. and things aren't as easy as we thot. our relationship is rocky.. and well.. no relationship is without fights or quarrels.. i suppose..

now he has to be responsible to the army and me to be responsible to my studies.. he told me yesterdae "someone told me that if u become an officer your relationship would be shaky and many of my seniors lost their girlfriends." i guess its true to a certain extent. and what dear told me was true, after he got into army, he juz so sian wif everything.. juz dun feel like doing anything. i dunno what to reply or how i can help him. i juz feel lost. someone i love a lot has a major change in his life and this someone that i love would also make an impact in my life. i dun wanna lost this relationship, but sometimes, its so hard for me. i dunno how. maybe we dun understand each other well enuff, maybe we need a break, maybe we are tired, maybe, we juz lost love.

whatever it is.. i'm glad to haf happie moments before he was enlisted. at the very least, i was really happie to be in love then, but now, love is juz taking a toll on me. if i could turn back time, i wouldn't wanna fall in love again, because, its too much a price to pay.. and like i always believe "if you have the courage to love, you haf the courage to suffer"

at this very moment, i still love my dear. i hope we can go thru all obstacles hand in hand.. i hope our relationship is strong enuff to carry on and weather all storms.. lastly, thanks for still being around in my life..

for now.. i guess i haf tons of projects to do le. haiz. i juz can't stand it. so much to do, so little time. individual journal will be due in about 2 wks time.. me still adjusting to school life.. but glad i haf wonderful friends.. and they are always the ones, who would listen to my woes.. jan, liang and velly.. i'm glad, for at the very least, i know that they would always be there for me too..

hmm.. gotta end here i think.. todae blog quite huge.. hee..

ta-ta..

whoa. todae can't wait to blog. maybe bcoz i quarrelled wif dear bah? we had a little fight last nite. i guess its called lover's tiff rite? oh well, wadeva it is, i juz dun understand him, i really don't. but then again, i still love him.. haa.. contradicting rite? oh well, we made up in the end, as usual, but i juz feel that things would still surface somedae, we juz dunno when. haizz.. we are both not perfect anyway. in a relationship, its so hard to satisfy the other party. i guess, he's having a hard time. me too okay! hmm.. he oso dunno how i feel la. haiz. he's not the romantic kinda guy, maybe romantic is not the word, i guess he juz dunno how to make his girlfriend feel loved bah? i dowan anything, i juz wanna be loved and cared..

oh well, aniwae, todae had my first marketing tutorial. it wasn't dat bad, except that my tutor, dat heng chye, keep on calling me. aiyo. i guess he will sure call me alot this semester. haiz. shit man. and the other thing is, i'll be doin projects wif 2 design guys who are taking marketing as CDS (cross diploma subjects) one seems nice, the other is a rich man's son, seems a bit dao, but okay la. maybe coz we dunno each other bah? hehe..

hmm.. that's about it todae. me so sian. coz i'm so tired.

ta-ta..

todae came back quite late. went out wif velly and liang after school.. hmm.. bought new charles and keith shoes.. hehe..

tomorrow got only a 2 hour marketing lecture. so its not that bad, think i am getting used to school life. at the very least, i think i haf 4 wonderful close friends and i think i haf nice classmates too..

wonder what is dear doing now... hope he is not too busy todae, he always like no time to rest.. hope he had enuff rest last nite..

aniwae, dear, hope u are happie playing mahjong wif ur friends, though i dun really think its a kinda good activity, but so long as u are happie, i think, its more than worth it.. to be able to see u smile.. i've decided to go easy on u.. heehee. make things easier for me oso.. aniwae, thanks for being in my life.. love u lots..

gosh.. later got 2pm lecture.. that's it for the whole day.. i'm kinda tired.. woke up wif a headache. i dunno why, i slept quite early last nite wad. and i woke up at 10 todae..

aniwae, something to keep me excited, liang changed into the same class as me n velly n jason for PSQ.. so happie. now we can really get to do project together.. hee... i guess we would make the best out of everything.. so happie..

later muz find article for PSQ individual project that is due in 2 weeks. can u believe it? haha. school is so rushy again.. its back to those good old rushy daes..

ate bread todae for breakfast, think i'm gonna skip my lunch.. be thin be thin.. that's wad i wanna be.. ooo.. if i'm thin, i would feel so happie.. heehee..

dear was so busy yesterdae, he was working and toking to me at the same time. i felt bad, but he didn't wanna hang up, he kept on saying that it was okay. so i din say much either.. i know he's so damn busy. he told me before, if he was a "man" and not an "officer" maybe i would be happier.. maybe.. but right now, i guess we haf to get thru this together. army is so demanding. he was on duty and had to finish his duty report and then wake up at 4am to draw arms and then after that got track & field for the whole dae. i guess, he muz be really glad that its fridae.. though we, or rather he din tok much, i knoe that the thing that he really needs now is my support and understanding... he hates being busy too.. "dear, i guess standing by u, is the only thing that i can do for you now, i can't help u much in your work, i can't be there wif u, but i'll always be right here waiting for you"

ta-ta..

oh my god.. its only 5pm, and i'm starving. didn't eat much for lunch, juz a few spoonfuls of noodles. i can't bring myself to eat alot. i wanna slim down.. besides, being in a poly doesn't help much either, with me seeing slim girls everdae, i juz can't wait to be slim. i'm eating jackfruits now. stuffing myself wif fruits whenever i'm hungry, like dat i wun gain the carbohydrates.

todae school was fine.. had my PSQ (productivity and service quality) tutorial for the first time. not too bad. i think its quite fun and its easy to score. and besides, its only 3cus, wad do u expect rite? but my tutor is really nice and i guess i'm falling in love with this subject in no time.

bought my operations management textbook todae, whoa cost me like $40.. haiz.. so ex sia. but wad to do? no choice rite?

todae saw alot of army kor kor at school when i was about to go home. i think they are here to check out the place. coz they having SAF dae at TP.. hmm.. gives me a little moment to think about dear dear.. aniwae, i'm glad that school started, i feel like an independent woman again, someone wif a life, and not always missing him.. heehee..

dear dear is on duty todae, aniwae, he made me so scared.. coz he told me "hey, i got something to tell u." i then proceeded to ask him, wad izzit? he said, "its something very serious one.." i asked him wad izzit about? izzit good or bad? dear replied "its about you" he sounded so serious i nearly died.. i was thinking he was gonna say something terrible about me that he couldn't stand anymore.. i was so afraid, but curious at the same time.. then i asked him "so wad izzit?" he said "I LOVE YOU" Oh My God! i nearly went out of breath! scare me for the moment, and i didn't know what to say for that few seconds.. but i haf to admit, i did haf a very good sleep yesterdae nite, coz of this. he juz made me so happie and brightened up my dae.. i was really happie coz dear dun normally say this and wow! its juz so sweet.. he juz makes living life so much more worthwhile.. thanks dear..

ta-ta..

todae had a busy dae.. went for 4 lectures all in a row. had a taste of the busy school life again.. but now, still not yet used to the school life, still a bit slacky, muz be on track soon..

yesterdae nite did not have a nice conversation wif dear. did not manage to tok much.. he was too tired to listen to me.. its so hard.. i know i'm not a very good girlfriend, but i juz dun see the point of being on the phone if u are so tired.. sorrie, though i know u are tired. i guess we were juz on a different frequency lately. i din msg u or tok to u todae yet. its nothing ordinary, but sometimes i do feel and want to be loved. i know its not your style at all. the way u care for me is different from other guys. you dun show how much u care, u juz do it your way. hmm.. i oso dunno wad to say le..

i think i'll concentrate more on my studies this sem. i dun wanna be affected my matters of the heart. they juz take up too much of my energy.. and it would also affect my studies. i dun wanna always feel horrid. i wanna be loved when i'm in love.

ta-ta..

todae no tutorial.. so stayed at home. whoa.. lucky i got the dae off.. i am having such terrible menses cramps.. so painful. its killing me.. haiz.. tmr got a very long dae. haf to attend 4 lectures. sianzz man..

miss dear dear todae. dunno wad he doing now sia.. hmm..

dear.. i miss u, u know ma?

ta-ta..

todae is the start of a new year, another new semester.. so fast i am yr 2 oredi.. can't believe it man.. time really flies. and i am so tired after school todae, had lecture at 11.. but then reached school at 9, to appeal for cds. and then skipped my first marketing lecture juz becoz of the cds. took me the whole dae to appeal.. aiyo.. so damn tired and hungry.. then reached home about 4. whoa lau.. but then ok lo, at least i settled my cds.. got operations management.. like not bad sia.. heehee.. happie lo.. at least i haf operations management and productivity and service quality.. quite happie le..

hope i can get good class mates this semester.. my yr 1 was not that bad.. i'm still happie in poly.. whoa.. todae morning met liang, jan n velly.. the bridge so many ppl. so scary sia.. the freshmen are so... haha.. dunno how to describe..

todae weather is so warm.. i'm feeling under the sun.. wonder how is dear dear todae.. getting more n more excited that he is going to ORD earlier than expected.. heeheehee...

ok.. think i haf to go do my timetable le.. ta-ta!

todae is saturdae, meeting dear later.. yay! so long never see him le.. he oso said so last nite. hee.. but dunno what time he off.. he is at paya lebar, so he's gonna come tampines to fetch me.. and then we'll go makan and then go back to his place there to make specs.. poor boy, specs spoil le. he muz be feeling horrid without specs.. then maybe later in the evening we can go for dinner..

aniwae, hope todae would be a great dae! ta-ta!

i am back from japan. refreshed! hehe. the trip was okay only, coz i was sick for the whole trip. even until now. haiz. hehe. but aniwae, i think it was ok.. at least i got to go to the sand bath, where they bury you under hot black sand and after which you can go to the hot spring where everyone would be naked. coz no clothings is allowed.. of course, its men and women seperate. hehe... but the hot spring is nice and it helps the blood circulation. now, i am wondering who is in the same class as me. hehee.. hmm..

yesterdae nite managed to tok to dear for a little while, glad that he is not so busy these daes, and glad that he would be finishing army earlier than expected.. hmm.. aniwae, hope things go smoothly for us..

hmm.. still abit tired after the plane ride yesterdae, think i gonna pig again.. haiz.. hehe..

ta-ta!

todae is my last dae to blog oredi. after that i would be off to the world of japan! haha.. hmm.. now got no one online leh. all muz be still pigging..

dunno todae dear will call me or not. he say he will, but i think his work hor, haiz. dunno can or not, but cannot oso nvm..

hmm.. dunno wad to write oredi. haven't had breakfast, can't think. maybe will come and blog later bah?

ta-ta!

todae is my last dae to blog oredi. after that i would be off to the world of japan! haha.. hmm.. now got no one online leh. all muz be still pigging..

dunno todae dear will call me or not. he say he will, but i think his work hor, haiz. dunno can or not, but cannot oso nvm..

hmm.. dunno wad to write oredi. haven't had breakfast, can't think. maybe will come and blog later bah?

ta-ta!

woo.. think this is going to be the last blog till i return from japan.. hmm.. no la.. maybe i will blog tmr, b4 i leave..

aniwae, todae went to watch harry potter - the prisoner of azkaban.. ok show only, i think the first 2 ones are much better..

todae liang msged me, ask me how am i.. it really touched my heart.. it seems like there is someone who cares for me... so happie.. but i thot it was dear..

guess dear is busy todae again.. he msg me.. say gonna call me late.. the track and field seems never ending.. i juz hope that his work is fine.. i prayed for him.. and i hope things would turn out for the better. he's been keeping late nights. i guess i wun be able to tok to him tmr.. aniwae, hope dear take care and hope that this time apart would bring us closer.. i knoe he got no time for me. its been running in my head for such a long time.. i wonder when all this would end, i wonder how long more his army would take. sometimes it seems like its forever.. but i'm not gonna be easily be defeated, i'm gonna fight till the end, till i get my happiness..

ta-ta!

todae is mondae.. juz 02 days and i will be leaving for japan.. these days not so good. keep on quarrelling wif dear. its nothing serious but who wishes to quarrel rite? somemore when we will be apart then lidat. yesterdae i really felt like leaving this place.. hmm..

can't wait to come back and then wait for school to reopen. so that i won't have that much time to quarrel wif dear.. can't wait to get busy wif the books again..

dear has changed alot.. i have changed alot too.. i used to be very tolerant and patient. but now, i haf become very short tempered and demand alot. these i all know. coz of one reason. dear has changed, and i think its because of the heavy workload. the change in him has caused the change in me.. i dun used to demand alot, coz he cares alot about me. even the slightest thing, we would be worried about me. but then again, going steady for 3 & 1/2 years, wat can one expect? i dun expect much, juz a little care and concern. i dun need expensive gifts or treats.. juz a little attention.. i knoe work had not been easy for you dear. i know its tough. and i also know that i can't even help u. i would if i could. i guess this is juz a test of our love bah? yesterdae u told me to give u some time to change back. i wouldn't wanna expect anything from u.. i knoe it is impossible for you to do that oredi. so i guess, i should learn to accept the new u and u need to gimmie time too. i oso muz learn to be more patient wif u.. haizz.. love is such a complicated thing.. and it doesn't help when i knoe u would get angry easily..

i was thinking whether i should inform u on the dae that i am leaving. coz u would be having your outfield. maybe i should leave quietly. these days when i'm away, u know in your heart whether u really need me in your life or not..

aniwae, thanks for the love all these years, thanks for the patience you have given me, thanks for always being there, thru my ups and downs. thanks for giving me a chance to love you and to know the feeling of being loved, to know the complications of being in love and to knoe the happiness that i can receive from being in a relationship.. lastly, thanks for staying faithful to me.. through all the bad times when we quarrelled, at the end of the dae, i still love you dear.

take care..

ta-ta..

todae is fridae.. how time passes man.. so fast.. left 05 daes to japan.. heeeheeehee... tomorrow is saturdae. hopefully can see dear. his work commitments, dunno will be able to meet or not. but this type of thing bo pian la. haha.. its not up to us to decide.

i got my menu for my birthdae chalet buffet.. so, if ali and grace is reading my blog, pls contact me, so that we can decide what dishes to choose! hehe.. aniwae, i oso dunno the number of ppl goin leh. haiz. so leh chey.

todae i stay at home got nothing to do. watch tv, slack.. haiz. juz like a potato.. speaking of potatoes.. whoa lau, feel like eating leh. haiz.. eat again.. hmm.. ok la. i think that's all for todae..

lastly, i miss you dear.. hope to see u soon!

ta-ta!

yesterdae was vesak dae. went to the temple, them met dear after that.. did nothing much, juz slacked at his house. i'm wondering these daes, wad should we do when we mit? we got nothing to do leh. juz run out of things to do.. haha. maybe that's wad ppl say.. steady long le.. haha..

aniwae todae is my 46th month of friendship wif dear.. we became friends 3 years and 10 months ago. wow. haha.. come to think of it, it is si fast. time passes so quickly. and i was thinking. juz 2 more years and i would be out in the working force. whoa lau, becoming an adult is not easy at all.. money is the worst thing to think about..

i haf to pack my luggage soon. 06 days to japan, but i'm not the least excited. maybe bcoz i've grown up le bah? haha. i haven't even pack anything in!

hope dear todae shooting range is fine.. he would be working late again.. and when i'm away in japan, he's gonna haf a 5 dae outfield. so i hope things would go smoothly for him.. hmm...

lastly, before i end.. happie 46th month dear..
ta-ta!

todae i was a happy girl.. dear called me last minute in the afternoon saying that he would be booking out.. ask me wanna mit or not! of course i was delighted! hehehe.. went to haf lunch together, and then, catch a movie and then we went for a long bus ride to my house and slept in each other's arms... so sweet! and then we went to haf dinner together.. and he came over to my house to sit sit.. hehe..

basically, i had a great dae.. though nothing special happened, but moments spent wif u are juz so special..

whoa.. yesterdae was so tired to blog.. went out to catch a movie wif my sisters and maribel.. we went to watch shrek 2.. hahaha. it was so funny. and then accompany my sister to buy her working clothes.. damn sian lo.

met liang, jan and velly in the evening at bugis. so tired by that time. went to buy jan's birthdae present. we bought her a levi's top. and then we had dinner together. velly is goin back to indonesia todae, so i guess it's the last time JJVL is meeting. hehe.. by the time i reach home is oredi 9.45 goin 10pm le. then so tired. got muscle ache somemore.

aniwae, yesterdae dear dear made me so happy. coz when i tok to him, then he ask me over the phone "u got miss me?" whoa.. i was over the moon! i ask him "u leh?" he said "got.." hehehe.. then after that before sleep he send me an sms.. short but sweet "gd nite. i miss u." hehehe.. me so happy sia. yay!

todae dear booking out coz tomorrow is vesak dae. hope his shooting practice is fine todae.

my fishes are still doing fine. hehehe.. so happie..

that's it! ta-ta!