what if...
what if i left you one day?
would u be happier?
would u miss me?
would u ask me to stay?
would u ask me to come back?
would u even think about me?
would u knoe what was the reason?
would u even care?
why did things haf to turn out this way?
its so hard for me to continue..
dun take me for granted..
dun think i'll always be there..
i might leave,
and never come back..
dun juz assume i would..
jul
todae i had a busy dae at school.. school ended at 5pm. gosh, so damn tired. now listening to "for the first time" remembering the times when me and dear juz went steady. everything was the first time for us.. first time we kissed, first time we held hands, first time someone hugged me like i was the world to him, first time someone cared so much about me..
now, 3 & 1/2 years down the road... many things haf changed.. our responsibilities haf changed, the environment has changed.. we grew up.. and there is no more teenage lovers or puppy love anymore.. we're both adults now.. and things aren't as easy as we thot. our relationship is rocky.. and well.. no relationship is without fights or quarrels.. i suppose..
now he has to be responsible to the army and me to be responsible to my studies.. he told me yesterdae "someone told me that if u become an officer your relationship would be shaky and many of my seniors lost their girlfriends." i guess its true to a certain extent. and what dear told me was true, after he got into army, he juz so sian wif everything.. juz dun feel like doing anything. i dunno what to reply or how i can help him. i juz feel lost. someone i love a lot has a major change in his life and this someone that i love would also make an impact in my life. i dun wanna lost this relationship, but sometimes, its so hard for me. i dunno how. maybe we dun understand each other well enuff, maybe we need a break, maybe we are tired, maybe, we juz lost love.
whatever it is.. i'm glad to haf happie moments before he was enlisted. at the very least, i was really happie to be in love then, but now, love is juz taking a toll on me. if i could turn back time, i wouldn't wanna fall in love again, because, its too much a price to pay.. and like i always believe "if you have the courage to love, you haf the courage to suffer"
at this very moment, i still love my dear. i hope we can go thru all obstacles hand in hand.. i hope our relationship is strong enuff to carry on and weather all storms.. lastly, thanks for still being around in my life..
for now.. i guess i haf tons of projects to do le. haiz. i juz can't stand it. so much to do, so little time. individual journal will be due in about 2 wks time.. me still adjusting to school life.. but glad i haf wonderful friends.. and they are always the ones, who would listen to my woes.. jan, liang and velly.. i'm glad, for at the very least, i know that they would always be there for me too..
hmm.. gotta end here i think.. todae blog quite huge.. hee..
ta-ta..
